


Brushes & Strings

by obnoxiouspineapple



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, I mean I guess they were already in college but this is like the no vampires version, Multi, Other, So yeah there's that, also as i'm writing this it may not be as much of a slowburn as i planned, anyway, i guess it's, mentions of abuse, oh and also they're all art students, slowburn, so there's that, uhhh what else, well except Danny and Kirsch i guess but they're both bi, you know what idk i'm just gonna add tags later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-05-25 03:14:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14967914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obnoxiouspineapple/pseuds/obnoxiouspineapple
Summary: Laura is living the dream - she got into her dream university, is currently fulfilling her artistic dreams and has great friends. The only problem is, living with her roommate is absolute hell. Not only is Carmilla annoyingly good-looking, she also knows just how to push Laura's buttons with her sarcastic comments and obnoxiously loud music. And, sure, Laura does sometimes unknowingly start to sketch those beautiful eyes of hers, and *sure*, she does sometimes have dreams where she's kissing Carmilla, but that doesn't mean anything, right? Right?aka, basically an art school au where everyone is a mess and no one is emotionally mature and carmilla is a little shit and laura is completely oblivious to her roommate's feelings and laf and perry are the ultimate shippers





	1. beginning of sorts

**Author's Note:**

> This wasn't edited previously and I probably won't manage to update regularly, but eh? I really hope you enjoy this mess despite my shitty planning. <3

And with the sound of the last box hitting the floor, Laura threw herself on the bed with an exhausted sigh. She and her dad have been transferring her stuff from the car into the dorm room for the last twenty minutes, and the time spent doing so was filled with both of them questioning how many art supplies Laura _really_ needed. (The answer, of course, was different in their heads. While Laura considered all of her belongings indispensable, Sherman would have started making trips to the dumpster before they would even get to the third set of brushes.)

A few moments after laying across the bed, Laura felt a nudge on her leg. She opened her eyes to see her dad sitting down on the brink of the bed.

“Well, that was something. You better make some athletic friends before moving out, ‘cause I’m not really interested in repeating this process.” He said with a smile plastered to his face, but Laura knew he was only half-joking.

“Ha-ha.” She said, lifting herself up on her elbows.

“No, seriously, I hope your roommate is a minimalist, because there won’t be a whole lot of space left when you unpack.”

“I get it. I have a lot of stuff.”

He motioned to the boxes on the floor in front of him. “And I don’t even know which is worse – the fact you have about 30 different brushes, or the fact you have just as many pieces of Harry Potter merchandise.”

She nudged him with her foot. “Hey. Say one more thing about my art supplies or Harry Potter, and you’ll have lunch alone.”

“I will not say one word more.” He paused. “Well, I will, but only about lunch. I’m really hungry, and I saw a Taco Bell on our way here. Maybe your roommate will come around by the time you return to the dorm room?”

She shrugged. “Maybe.”

×

When they got to Taco Bell, Laura got them a table and her dad went to the counter, knowing the order by heart. (Laura has been getting Soft Taco Supreme with potatoes for the last five years, ever since she tried it once out of curiosity. Sherman has been getting Hard Taco Supreme ever since he first ate at Taco Bell.)

While she waited for her dad, she skimmed over the faces filling the restaurant. Most of the people were students, or at least of similar age to them. They talked and laughed, and quite frankly looked like they were having the time of their lives, enjoying the last day before the semester starts. Watching them interact with friendly voices and relaxed faces, Laura came to a realization – she didn’t actually have any friends yet – not that making new ones would be a problem to Laura, the girl talked faster than anyone you’ve met – and it made her feel kind of lonely.

Her gaze relaxed on the clear sky, since she decided people watching only made her feel more alone than she felt before. Maybe she could do a sky painting when she gets back – she _did_ have a few pages to fill before moving on to another sketchbook.

As she was planning on what exactly she could do, her train of thoughts was interrupted by a voice calling her.

“Laura? Laura Hollis?”

She turned to the source of the sound, and her look landed on a pair of blue eyes and ginger hair. It took her a moment to recognise the face, but when she did, her lips formed a wide grin.

“Oh my God! LaFontaine!” She nearly shouted, swiftly standing up and pulling them into a hug.

“Good to see you, bud. It feels like high school was forever ago.” They returned the grin, but didn’t let the hug last too long, as Laura squeezed them more than she probably intended to.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, still confused by the sight of her high school friend in front of her.

LaFontaine shrugged. “I go to college here. I just finished moving into my dorm, actually.”

“Me too!” Seeing her dad over LaFontaine’s shoulder, she turned to him and spoke in an even more enthusiastic manner than before. “Dad, you won’t believe who’s here!”

×

The last thing Carmilla expected to see when she walks into her dorm was a floor covered in unopened, neatly taped cardboard boxes, yet there she was, trying not to trip over anything as she made her way to the left bed. (The right one was already taken, by the looks of it, with the sheets being messy already, and a yellow backpack leaning on the wall just next to it.)

Climbing on the mattress, she leaned against the wall and threw her bag next to her, pulling her book out of it shortly after. It was something she borrowed from Mattie – it was interesting enough to read, but not complex or captivating enough for her to be completely invested in it. It was just a way to pass time, just like she was doing right now, waiting for Will to come. He and some of his dudebros agreed to bring her stuff up if she was less hostile to them this year, which was a deal Carmilla made due to not having any other option for carrying all her stuff from the car to upstairs.

She only read about two and a half pages before three sweaty frat bros burst into her room, her property in their hands.

“Hey, hottie. Where do we leave the stuff?” One of them, who she was pretty sure was called Kirsch (a rather stupid name, if you ask her), asked her.

She restrained from rolling her eyes. “Wherever you find space, I’ll sort it out later.”

After a short discussion, they decided to leave the bags next to the closet, and left rather quickly after that, much to Carmilla’s delight. She focused on her book once again, hoping her roommate wouldn’t come back for at least another hour – she wasn’t in the mood for human interaction.

×

It turns out that LaF wasn’t the only high school friend of Laura’s to attend the same college as her – Perry, LaFontaine’s best friend, joined them in Taco Bell shortly after, and the three of them started catching up. She was relieved she knew at least the two of them, especially since that meant she had someone to accompany her after she said bye to her dad.

“Pretty sick we all have art related majors, right?” LaFontaine commented as the trio was making their way to their respective dorms.

Laura smiled. “Yeah! I mean, it just adds to our friendship, you know? Plus – we might even have some classes together.”

Perry smiled. “Oh, I’m sure we have! Maybe you could email me your schedule, and we can compare them, and I’ll get back to you in the morning to let you know.”

“Sure.”

They walked in silence for a while, until a thought came across Laura’s mind as they got closer to the stairs. “What floor are you guys on anyway?”

“Third.” LaFontaine answered, returning the question. “What about you?”

“Just below you, although I don’t know who my roommate is. Well, I know her name, but she wasn’t in the room when I got here.”

They nodded, and Laura looked away, glancing at the ‘2’ sign hung on the wall in front of her. She turned to LaF and Perry, offering a smile.

“Well, it was great seeing you guys again. And I’ll make sure to email you the schedule, Perry, I can’t wait to see if we have any classes together. Bye, guys.”

“Bye, Laura.” Perry said. “You’re always welcome in our dorm, by the way. Don’t be shy.”

“Not sure that’ll be a problem, Perr, but yeah. You’re welcome to come hang out.” LaF grinned.

“Thanks, guys. Bye.” Laura said before she turned around, hearing the two of them repeat their goodbyes behind her.

She pulled the key out of her pocket, and as she got to the door, put it in, only to realize it was already unlocked. _The roommate must be here._ She put a smile on her face and grabbed the doorknob. Opening the door, the edge was met with something soft, and she heard a loud thump and a soft _ah, fuck_. Realizing that ‘something soft’ was actually a human head – a beautiful human head, if she may add – she felt the apologies rushing to be said.

Yup – the roommate was definitely here, and Laura just hit her in the head with doors.


	2. music & alchohol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's back (back again)  
> It looks like I might update regularly after all, huh?

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” Laura stuttered and rushed to enter the room, closing the door behind her. “Are you okay?”

In the few moments it took the girl before her to respond, Laura observed her discreetly. Even with the little red patch on her forehead, she looked flawless. Pale skin and brown eyes framed by pitch black hair, she almost reminded Laura of a character from a gothic novel.

“Don’t worry, cutie, I’ll be fine.” She answered, but Laura could hear the pain in her voice.

“You’re not fine – your forehead is red. Jesus, I’m _such_ an idiot. Do we have ice? I’m gonna go get ice-“

“Really, I’m fine.”

“Nonsense – just let me help you. I’ll be back in a mo.”

“No. I’m okay.”

“But-“

“ _Creampuff._ ” She caught Laura’s worried look, tilting her head slightly. “If I were you, I would worry about the boxes that are probably going to lead to another injury, if you don’t sort them out.”

Laura paused for a moment, still feeling guilty, but aware that there would be no point in arguing any further. The girl obviously felt uncomfortable or something, and she didn’t want to push it. She nodded, pursing her lips. She looked away from her roommate and took in the room – the left side was already neatly organized. Sheets tucked in, books on the night table, a guitar (she presumed – it could be bass or some other string instrument) case pressed on the wall next to the bed and a keyboard in front of it. The right side, _Laura’s_ side, of the room, on the other hand, was a mess. Boxed stacked on top of each other, then some more boxes on the ground, and two bags laying besides her own night table.

The girl had sat on her bed, seemingly forgetting she was heading outside, leaving Laura standing next to a few boxes. Sighing, she decided to start with organizing her stuff, grabbing the box nearest to her. As she made her way to her bed, she turned to her roommate briefly.

“I’m Laura Hollis, by the way.”

Without looking up from the book in her hands, she answered: “Carmilla.”

 _Carmilla._ “Well, nice to meet you.”

×

Laura’s guilt about hitting Carmilla in the head only lasted until she realized what an asshole her roommate was, which took her about a week (To be real, it was less than that, but she stayed oblivious in hope her roommate might be a better person than Laura thought). Not only did she constantly blast indie rock music from her phone (Seriously, does she not know headphones exist?), whenever Laura spoke to her – or anyone, for that matter – she would serve a sarcastic comment so tactfully spoken, you would think she practiced in advance. Not to mention the fact that she stays up all night, _and_ eats all of Laura’s snacks.

One afternoon, Laura returned to the dorm after a day of classes, just to find Carmilla in the exact same position she was before Laura left – spread across the mattress, some pretentious philosophy book in hand.

(“Do you even go to class?”

“I don’t see how that information is of any importance to you, sweetheart.”)

So, yeah, Laura spent a lot of time in LaF’s and Perry’s dorm, even when she didn’t have to study – they ate chips, LaFontaine flipped through Laura sketchbook and left little comments on the side, they ate some more chips, they watched Netflix, ate some more chips, and occasionally gossiped about their professors. Laura even made a new friend, Danny, who apparently knew Perry from some party.

Bickering with Carmilla and hanging out with LaF, Perry and Danny made a balance in Laura’s life, which she was grateful for – too much of either one, and she would probably bored. However, Laura never intended to mix those two worlds, which was, unfortunately, exactly what happened about a month after the start of the semester.

“Hey, are you guys going to that party tonight?” Danny spoke, looking up from her phone.

“The one Zetas are throwing?” LaF asked between stuffing their face with Doritos, and Danny nodded. “Yeah, probably. I haven’t exactly made any new friends since I got there, so I suppose it won’t do any harm to go.”

Nodding again, Danny looked at Laura and Perry. “What about you guys?”

Perry didn’t look away from her laptop. “I don’t have time. I have an assignment due next Monday, and I plan on finishing it now.”

“Laura?”

She shrugged. “I guess, if you guys are going.”

×

Laura returned to her dorm a few hours later, deciding she should probably slip into something else for the party (the sweatshirt she was wearing now had Dorito stains). Much to her annoyance, Carmilla was there, and she was applying eyeliner. She was dressed in leather pants and a lacy black crop top, with black (of course) high heels as a cherry on top. Why was she – oh. Carmilla was going to the party too. Splendid.

Laura didn’t get a greeting, so she didn’t give one, going straight to the closet and pulling out a yellow sweater and black jeans. She headed to the bathroom, but Carmilla’s voice stopped here before she got to the door.

“For fuck’s sake, creampuff, how long do you plan on changing in the bathroom? We’re not twelve.”

Laura scoffed, turning to her roommate. “It’s called manners. Just because you don’t have a problem with displaying yourself in front of someone that is _basically_ a stranger…” She trailed off, facing the door once again.

When Carmilla spoke again, Laura could have sworn she heard her smirk. “As if you have anything against watching me undress.”

Laura was grateful for the fact she wasn’t facing her right now, because she could feel her face turning a thousand shades of red. Flustered, she rushed to open the door and go into the bathroom.

When she returned a few minutes later, Carmilla was, thankfully, gone. She texted LaF saying she would meet them downstairs in a few moments, adjusting her hair for the last time. The Zeta house is big – she will probably manage to avoid Carmilla for the majority of time.

×

Carmilla dancing. Carmilla flirting. Carmilla drinking. Carmilla hitting that one really annoying Zeta bro in the head. Anywhere Laura decided to look or go, her gaze always seemed to land on – you guessed it – Carmilla. It was annoying, really. There were lots of cute girls at the party, so why did Laura’s eyes seem to follow the only one she had the urge to murder?

After some time, she decided to go into the kitchen – Carmilla didn’t go there once since Laura got there, so it would probably be the best place for her to be. Plus, they have food there, which is really where people Laura could be friends with were. She picked up a cookie from some bowl placed on the table and leaned against it the counter. She observed the people in the room – most of them she knew from classes, but had never really talked to. Just as she was about to go over and talk to some girl on the other side of the room, she felt someone sit on the counter, just besides her, and shortly after heard a voice.

“Good party, huh?”

The voice came from an (at least) 6’0 guy wearing a Gravity Falls t-shirt. His grin and the overall atmosphere around him reminded Laura of a puppy.

“Yeah.” She returned the smile. “It’s cool.”

“Glad you think so. I’m one of the Zetas that threw it, you know. My name’s Kirsch, by the way.” He offered Laura a hand to shake, and she did.

“Laura. What’s your major?”

His smile widened, and Laura saw pride and happiness in his eyes as he spoke. “Dance. I’ve been doing it since I was a little kid. You?”

She answered with the same sense of pride. “Fine Arts. Same as you – I’ve been drawing for as long as I can remember, so I’m really glad I got into a school with a great art program such as this one.”

For the next twenty minutes or so, they talked about at least fifteen different topics (Kirsch had a problem sticking to one), and Laura was glad he approached her. He wasn’t exactly the brightest per se, but he seemed sweet and well intenionted, which was enough for her to be friends with him. Just as they were exchanging numbers, some Zeta shouted Kirsch’s name, and the latter promised to be there in a second.

He turned to Laura, a sheepish grin still on his face. “It was awesome meeting you, little hottie. Take something to drink, the alchohol is in the left cabinet.”

She said bye to him, and glanced at the cabinet he pointed at. Maybe a drink or two wouldn’t be so bad.

×

Parties weren’t necessarily something Carmilla enjoyed much – they were filled with idiots and obnoxious music. It was more of a way for her to ignore her problems for a while, drink alchohol and potentially bring a girl to her room. But this one – this one was particularly interesting. The little puppy she shared her room with was there, and she seemed to eye Carmilla every time the latter looked in her way.

So, obviously, Carmilla had to take the chance and tease her more than she usually did.

She danced particularly close to other girls on the dance floor, making sure their lips were never touching, but always close. She drank alchohol, ‘accidentally’ spilling it on her jacket so she would take it off. She looked Laura right in the eyes more times than she could bother to count, and the latter looked more flustered every time.

Eventually, Laura seemed to have had enough, and went into the kitchen. It slightly disappointed Carmilla, but she found new entertainment – getting drunk. Well, she was planning on doing so, but when she finally managed to drag herself to the table where the drinks were, she glanced at the kitchen door, and, boy, was she glad she did.

Coming out of the kitchen, Laura seemed to be struggling to walk in a straight line. She was shaking from laughter and red in the face and, damn, Carmilla had to admit – she kind of looked cute. She put on a smirk and made her way over to the obviously drunk shorter girl. Laura seemed to notice her only when she was about two feet away from her, and gasped when she did (in excitement or fear, Carmilla was unsure).

“Carmilla!” Laura slurred, her eyes wide.

“Creampuff. You alright there? First time being drunk?”

She scoffed. “No! I’ve been drunk before, I’m not a maniac!”

Laura paused, then looked up, mouth slightly opened in amazement. Her lips formed a wide smile and she started banging her head to the music.

“This song is great, I love it!” In a split second, her expression turned serious, as if she had a break through. “Oh my God, let’s dance!”

Carmilla raised her eyebrows. “Really? To ‘Hollaback Girl’?”

But Laura only smiled at her. “Come on, let’s go!”

She took Carmilla’s wrist and dragged ger back onto the dance floor, much to the latter’s disapproval of the song choice. She danced for the entirety of the song, mostly just jumping around Carmilla, before leaning in close, confusing the other girl.

“Hey,” She whispered into Carmilla’s ear. “I think I’m gonna pass out.”

“What do you-“

Before Carmilla finished her sentence, she saw Laura’s eyes close, and the girl melted into Carmilla, causing her to stumble a few steps back. Well, isn’t that just great.

×

When Laura woke up, all she felt was warmth and comfort. Taking a moment or two to take in where she is, she realized she was tucked in, in her bed. Across the room, in the opposite bed, she saw Carmilla observing her. She seemed to notice Laura’s eyes were now open, because a barely noticable smile was now on her face.

“Sleep well, creampuff.”

And, like a charm, Laura felt more weight on her eyelids and gave up on the idea of staying awake, drifting away to the dreams that awaited her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Say hi to me on tumblr: @starsdontcompare :)


	3. mornings & discoveries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, sorry for taking so long to upload. This chapter's a bit longer, and I hope you enjoy. :)

When Laura woke up, she felt a number of things. Heat on her cheeks, from the rays of sunshine creeping in through the blinds. Pain in her head, probably the aftermath of last night’s alcohol. Warmth from the blankets she was wrapped in. But, most importantly, confusion, as she barely remembered anything but dizziness after she drank in the kitchen.

Raising her upper body up on her elbows, she threw a glance in the direction of Carmilla’s bed. It was empty, and the black sheets were, per usual, perfectly stacked on the right side of the bed. Judging by the silence that filled their room, Laura was alone. That surprised her, since it was a Saturday, and Carmilla loved spending those doing nothing in the dorm.

She crawled out of the sheets, hair still messy and sight still blurry, dragging herself to the bathroom. A shower was a nice way to start a day, after which Laura planned to have breakfast and finish some drawings from the past week – lately there was a lot more sketching than refining in her work. Picking her hair up in a bun, she took off her clothes swiftly and stepped inside the shower. Much to her surprise, there was no sign of hair on the tiles – perhaps Carmilla was bored and decided to clean up?

Finishing up in a few minutes (she was never a fan of long showers), Laura got to brushing her teeth, washing her face, and the rest that comes with it. She felt fresh, but was still taunted by a headache and a slight feeling of weakness, thus making her next move to pull out an Advil out of the ‘emergency box’ her dad gave her, hoping it would help cure her hangover.

Just a few moments after she swallowed the pill, she heard the door open and turned her head to see Carmilla entering the room. She had a plastic bag in hand, in which was something Laura could only assume to be food. When Carmilla’s eyes landed on her roommate, her expression strangely changed, but Laura could not read her.

“Hey, creampuff. Hungry?” Her voice was raspy, making Laura assume she woke up not too long ago either.

Laura was a little taken aback by the lack of sarcasm or teasing in her greeting, since Carmilla’s face was one of the very few things she remembered from last night, making it impossible for her roommate to be unaware of Laura’s drunkenness from the party. She shrugged.

“I mean, I guess.”

While Laura was offering this half-baked response, Carmilla had made her way to the bed across Laura’s. She started taking things out of the bag – more specifically, two white takeout boxes with a bakery logo Laura recognized. She saw the bakery a few blocks down just the other day while walking, when she was trying to take note of all places she could eat at. (Cafeteria food seemed like a fate worse than death to her – especially with the German lady that made it screaming at you.)

“Well, that’s convenient.” Carmilla answered, opening the boxes. “I was supposed to have breakfast with Will, but he bailed on me, and I don’t like wasting food. Blueberry bagel or cheddar bagel?”

Thinking about it for a few moments, Laura made her decision. “I’ll take the blueberry.”

Handing it over to her, Carmilla took the cheddar bagel and the two started eating in silence. It wasn’t necessarily awkward or uncomfortable, since it was there mostly because of how delicious the bagels tasted and neither of them wanted to pause eating just for the sake of talking. Near the end of eating breakfast, Laura cleared her throat, deciding to take a risk and try to find out what happened last night.

“So, hey, uh… Just of curiosity, do you maybe know what happened last night?” Laura asked, wiping her mouth.

Carmilla seemed to be supressing a smile. “Are you sure you’re ready for that kind of shock this early in the morning, cutie?”

Laura swallowed. “It can’t be that bad, right?”

“I’ll just say that there was dancing. I don’t think you’re strong enough to handle the rest.”

“Oh, come on.” Laura pouted, although she felt heat creeping up her freckled cheeks. “At least tell me how I got up here – I’m sure I wasn’t capable of returning to my dorm alone.”

Carmilla stood up from her bed, picking up the empty boxes and throwing them in the trash. “And why would I know that? For all I know, it could have been the 8 feet tall, redhead version of Xena that carried you.”

And, there it is. Carmilla was once again incapable of having a normal conversation with Laura, which annoyed the latter greatly. Would it kill her to be kind _for once_? After sharing breakfast, she expected a little change in Carmilla, but alas, it was false hope. Not wanting to carry on this conversation any further, Laura quickly thanked Carmilla for the bagel and the pair seemed to ignore each other from that moment on.

Laura took her sketchbook and some art supplies, making herself comfortable on the bed. She decided to color a piece she drew a few days ago, and as she worked, she glanced at Carmilla more times than she would like to admit. She was writing something in a little black notebook, looking completely invested in whatever she was doing. Her hair was sloppily made into a bun, with little strands of hair framing her slight frown. She looked completely different – almost cute – in the rare moments she was doing something besides offering snarky comments, which was something Laura also noticed while watching her play guitar.

Realizing she had spent the last minute observing Carmilla, Laura turned back to the sketchbook on her lap, determined to focus on the piece, and the piece only. It was a drawing of a girl, a very pretty one too. She drew it from her head, and it had a strange sense of similarity and knowing to it, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Just as she finished coloring the eyes, she saw Carmilla stand up in the corner of her eye. She walked to her keyboard, placing the black notebook on top of it, just behind the keys.

When she started playing, an unrecognizable melody filled Laura’s ears, and she couldn’t help but let her gaze land on Carmilla once again. Her fingers were moving across the keys in an elegant manner Laura was intrigued by, producing sounds that seemed to be healing Laura’s hangover much faster than the Advil had done.

After a minute or so, as she got used to the gentle melody, Laura returned to her drawing with her lips spread in a barely noticeable smile. Her brush flew across the yellowish paper in a way that made painting more enjoyable for Laura, and she felt a strange warmth in her chest as she realized who the drawing reminded her of.

×

Monday came, and Laura was woken up by muffled voices. Taking a few moments to collect herself, she realized the voices were coming from just outside the dorm, and the one talking right now was quite familiar to her. What was Carmilla doing up so early?

“…so when Mattie comes, I will-”

“Matska will not arrive until next week, and when she does, it won’t change anything.” The voice was mature with a sense of unpleasant coldness to it, and it seemed to belong to a woman. “I don’t know why you would think this is appropriate behaviour, regardless of where your sister is.”

“Just let me-”

“No, Carmilla. There’s nothing more to say. You better fix this mess you’ve made of yourself, and get back to work. Otherwise I just might need to send you home.”

There was a pause, then footsteps, and finally, Carmilla bursting through the door. Laura closed her eyes, breathing deeply in an attempt to convince her roommate she was still asleep, but she heard Carmilla’s voice in a few moments nevertheless.

“I know you’re awake – I’ve pretended to be asleep enough times to know when someone else is doing the same.”

Laura opened her eyes, squinting briefly at the sun. Carmilla was laying on her bed, facing the ceiling, her palms on her forehead. She seemed somewhat upset, as far as Laura could tell, but she could never read her all the way.

Laura forced herself up on her elbows, eyes still fixated at her roommate. “I only heard little, I didn’t-”

“Save it.”

Just as Laura was about to say something, she realized she didn’t know what to say. Hell, she didn’t even know who Carmilla was talking to, nor what about. So, instead, she decided to go back to sleep and leave the other girl alone with her thoughts. (But falling asleep when you know someone you care about is upset was harder than Laura imagined.)

×

LaFontaine was never a morning person. Ever since they were little, they made a habit of waking up strictly after 10 on weekends (obviously they had to wake up early for school). However, ever since they started going to college, they gradually woke up earlier and earlier as time passed – a consequence of sharing a room with Perry, not morning classes.

That Monday, they woke up feeling curls tickling their nose. They couldn’t help but smile, pulling Perry in closer, their arm wrapped around her. Glancing at the _6:32_ written on the small clock on the night table, they felt happy knowing they had more than an hour before they had to go to class. Staying in bed with Perry was their favourite way to pass time.

“Are you awake?” A raspy voice asked, and Perry turned to face LaFontaine. Seeing their eyes open, she smiled. “I thought I sensed movement. I’ve been awake for the past twenty minutes or so, but I didn’t want to wake you up.”

Their smile widened, and they leaned in for a kiss – they got past the morning breath a long time ago. It lasted a few moments, leaving them with their foreheads pressed together.

“Let’s have breakfast.”

They scoffed. “We just woke up, and my class is at 8 am.”

“Well, _my_ class is in an hour and I want to eat before listening to Johnson talk about composition for an hour. Come on, there will be time to cuddle.”

LaFontaine protested, but Perry had already started sitting up. She threw the sheets off of her, leaving a very grumpy LaFontaine behind, covered in blankets. After a minute or so, they dealt with the fact Perry was _not_ coming back to bed soon and got up themselves.

“Scrambled eggs?” Perry questioned, coming out of the bathroom.

They smiled. “And I’ll make the coffee.”

×

“…which is why Velázquez’s work is so important for this period.”

For the last half an hour, Mr Baldwin’s speech about Baroque was something distant to Laura, her mind occupied with thoughts about Carmilla and the conversation she had earlier that morning. Sure, she noticed Carmilla wasn’t exactly _stoked_ to be in college, but she was also a year older than Laura, and the excitement had probably just faded over time. Nonetheless, sending her home was a rather uneccassarily strict move Laura didn’t support nor understand. She didn’t really see from where the other person was coming from, whoever that person actually was.

She battled to keep her mind off the whole situation and try to pay attention, when she felt a barely noticeable, brief vibration in her pocket. Discreetly pulling out her phone, she unlocked it with a flick of her thumb and glanced at the screen.

 **Perry:** Are you free right now? I would like to go over some of the material Mrs Leeds gave us about color theory, and it helps when you learn with someone.                      

Laura, looked up, trying to remember how much time she had between this class and the next one. Realizing she had Painting in three hours, she was happy that she could spend a little time with her friends.

 **Laura:** I’m in class rn, but it ends in 2 minutes. I’ll be there :)                                                                                                                                                                         

×

When Laura got out of class, she sent Perry a text to meet her in the library – she was one hundred percent sure she saw a book about color theory that could really help her with the assignment just the other day. Plus, the library was much warmer than their dorms, since the heating system was far better. To be brief – it was a better place for studying than any of their rooms.

So, when she was opening the door that led to the library, she expected to be greeted by warmth and the inviting scent of books, not with tired eyes that belong to Carmilla – yet here we are. Her roommate was sitting at one of that tables close to the door, seemingly quite invested in _The Complete Musician_. Laura stood in place for a few moments, debating whether or not to greet her, considering Carmilla’s coldness upon their last conversation.

However, in a second or so, she lost the freedom of choice, since her roommate looked up from the book and locked eyes with Laura. For a brief period of time, they just uncomfortably froze and glared at each other, neither knowing what to say. To a stranger, it might have seemed comical, but Laura was wishing she was anywhere but in that place.

Deciding she didn’t need to make things any more awkward, she offered a smile, followed by a little wave, and spoke in a quiet voice. “Hey, Carmilla.”

Carmilla only looked her up and down, her face unreadable, and responded with a barely audible ‘hey’. Pursing her lips, Laura looked around and realized neither Perry nor anyone else she knew was around, and made an impulsive decision to sit across Carmilla (she received a raised eyebrow from the latter). It took three minutes of weird tension and Laura fidgeting with her hands for very apologetic Perry and LaF to come into the library, sheets of paper in hand.

“Hi, Laura.” Perry sat down next to her. “Thanks for waiting, there was a problem with our coffee machine and LaFontaine _insisted_ on finishing fixing it before we left our room.”

Sitting down on the chair next to Perry, they gasped, faking to be offended. “Excuse me – that was completely in your favour – I always go to Dunkin Donuts to buy coffee for myself.”

Laura wasn’t exactly sure how true that story was, considering she noticed their messy hair and Perry’s lightly flushed cheeks, but didn’t push it. Just as she was about to tell Perry about the book she planned on using to explain the lecture to her, she heard a loud cough coming from the opposite side of the table, and the three of them looked in Carmilla’s way. Putting on a smile, LaFontaine raised their eyebrows.

“Hi, Carmilla. Didn’t see you there.” Carmilla only nodded in response, closing her book and standing up from the table only moments after. As she walked away, LaF pursed their lips. “Bye, Carmilla.”

Laura looked away from her roommate to her friend, confusion written all over her face. “How do you know her?”

LaF returned the look, raising an eyebrow. “From musical theatre, we’re working on the same play. How the hell do _you_ know her? You guys don’t really seem compatible as friends.”

“We’re roommates.”

LaFontaine frowned in what Laura could only assume was disbelief. “ _She’s_ the roommate from Hell you’ve been gushing about? Dude, what?”

Perry’s eyes shifted from Laura to LaF, as if she was watching a tennis match. Both of them had equally confused expressions plastered to their faces, and their eyebrows only seemed to raise higher and higher with each word spoken.

“What do you mean ‘what’? She’s so… frustrating.”

LaFontaine’s facial expression changed, but it was unreadable to Laura. Maybe she was generally bad at reading people, and it was not just a Carmilla thing?

“I mean, she might be a smartass and stuff at times, but the person you were describing for the last month is not the same person that I work with. I think she’s one of the best actors _and_ singers this college has, for what it’s worth. Plus, I think she’s just a little shy. She’s really not that bad.”

They spent the next ten minutes or so talking about the two different sides of Carmilla, both still confused, with the librarian shushing them and Perry asking them to move on to the reason they were actually in the library for. Apologizing, Laura showed Perry the book she told her about and started explaining the beginning of the lecture. But, as she talked about the various monochromatic color palettes, all that was on her mind was Carmilla. More specifically how, if she took a different approach, maybe she could awaken the softer side in Carmilla that she saw a glimpse of on Saturday. Perhaps then she would feel less conflicted about fantasizing of her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Say hi to me on tumblr! @starsdontcompare


	4. nights & conversations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Sorry it took me so long to update, I hope you'll enjoy it. :) I really poured my heart into this one.

* MENTIONS OF ABUSE *, so please be careful if it might trigger something, and stay safe, lovelies <3

 

 

Laura was acting… different. Carmilla couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but she was convinced something happened to the 5’2 ball of annoyingly cute enthusiasm.

It started in a slow, subtle way. Little compliments about her music, holding the door open, asking about her classes, talking about her own (even after Carmilla has made it clear she’s not exactly _that_ interested in how her Painting professor likes talking about his cats)… Then, slowly, the little acts of kindness and friendliness became a little bigger as the days passed. Laura brought her coffee, they had breakfast together, started actually _talking_ , like two normal people, to each other.

And it just left Carmilla wondering _How did this happen?_ She suspected of reasons for Laura’s change of stance towards her, the most possible one being the conversation the former overheard, a few weeks back. She didn’t know how much of the argument the smaller girl has heard, or even understood, but by the way she talked to Carmilla right after, it must have been enough for her to think that something is not right… which is what ruined everything. If Laura was only being so kind to her out of pity, if she didn’t actually see Carmilla as valuable enough to be her friend, then what was the point?

×

“I’ve been meaning to ask you, what is that melody? It’s really pretty.”

Laura’s words made her pause, her fingers lingering over the strings. She looked up from her guitar and into the curious chocolate eyes, considering her answer. After a few seconds, she shrugged.

“I haven’t named it yet.”

Seemingly processing her words, Laura stayed still for a few moments, before her lips widened into a smile. She didn’t exactly look surprised, despite her eyes widening, but excited.

“Oh my God, you wrote that? It’s so beautiful!”

Her voice was inwrought with genuineness, and before she could stop it, Carmilla smiled. It was a real smile, one out of happiness, and she felt bittersweet as she realized it had been years since the last time she broke out into a similar one.

“Thanks.”

She returned to her guitar, and as soon as she positioned her fingertips, Laura’s voice continued prolonging her pause.

“No, really, have you considered making a YouTube video? Or sending it some… I don’t know. Producer or something? You’re really talented.”

Carmilla sighed, looking up. “Cupcake, would you mind? I really want to perfect this part, and if you keep interrupting me while I practice, it’s not going to happen soon.”

“Oh, you’re right. Sorry.” She pursed her lips.

With her fingers, she pressed the strings against the frets, the calloused skin whitening. She picked up where she left off, her muscle memory serving her as her fingertips moved across the fretboard. In a few moments, she was once again completely captured by the melody, unaware of Laura’s gaze, just as hypnotised as she observed the girl across her completely give in.

×

Carmilla laid in her bed with a book in her hands, blankets surrounding her. It was the beginning of November, and coldness took over their dorms, especially at night. That meant the following: Carmilla spent most of her free time tucked in her bed, and Laura spent most of _her_ free time obsessively making sure her roommate wasn’t cold.

(“Careful, creampuff, one might think you care about me.”  
“I do care about you.”

Carmilla was thankful she was facing the wall at that moment, and for several minutes after that.)

The novel she was currently reading was interesting enough to keep her attention, but also predictable enough for her to not care if she doesn’t remember the page she stopped reading on the last time. It currently suited Carmilla better than the usual literature she consumed, and which she planned on continuing right when holidays start. (It seemed that days kept getting longer the closer December got)

The point was, it kept Carmilla’s mind off of certain things, at least most of the time. Yet, for some reason, she had been reading the same sentence for the last three minutes, trying to focus on the inked letters in front of her. It would be an understatement she was happy to hear a knock on the door, seeing it as an excuse to stop trying.

She threw the blankets off of herself, and slowly made her way to the door. She opened the door to meet face to face with a very happy looking Laura. For a brief second, she was confused as to why her roommate, _the person that essentially lives in that room_ , would knock, and then she noticed the two steaming coffee cups in her shaking hands. Accompanied by her flushed cheeks and a pastel yellow beanie, Carmilla must admit – she looked really cute. (Not that she didn’t usually look cute)

As she entered the room, walking right past Carmilla, she spoke in a soft voice. “Hey, I went on a walk with LaF and Perry – worst decision ever, it’s _so_ cold – and thought I could grab us some hot chocolate.”

In a matter of seconds, she was out of her jacket, beanie, and scarf, sitting on her bed, leaned against the wall. The cups were still in her hands, since she only put them down for a short period of time, to take off her jacket, and she was nodding towards the left space on the bed. Guessing she had no other choice, Carmilla sat next to her, and took the cup Laura offered her. It felt hot against the skin on her palm, which was a nice contrast to the cold air occupying their room.

They take a sip at the same time, and Laura breaks into a smile (Carmilla stopped herself before she could too). They sit in silence for a few moments, until the smaller girl sighs.

“God, it’s so cold. Hold my coffee while I grab a blanket?”

Carmilla silently nods and watches as Laura reaches for the stack of sheets she keeps under her bed. She grabs an acrylic blanket Carmilla knows for a fact to be very warm (she might have borrowed it once or twice – all her blankets are thin), and sits back up, wrapping herself in it. She smiles at Carmilla as she takes her coffee, and they are once again sitting in silence.

“So,” Laura starts (of course she wouldn’t last more than a minute keeping quiet), “how are things?”

Carmilla raises an eyebrow, her eyes fixated on Laura’s. “Depends. Which things are we talking about?”

Laura shrugs. “You know. Stuff.”

“Oh, stuff? I thought we were talking about things. Those two are very different, you know.”

Laura rolls her eyes, but Carmilla can tell she’s fighting a smile. “How are your classes, Carmilla?”

She shrugs. “Fine, I guess.”

The hot chocolate warms her mouth when she takes another sip, and she feels a hand on her shoulder moments after. She looks at Laura, and glares into her eyes for longer than she probably should, trying to understand what she is doing. There is a hint of sadness in her umber eyes, and Carmilla immediately realizes what this is about.

But, before she can speak, Laura does.

“Look, I really don’t want to snoop around,” she says, and Carmilla really doubts her, “but I care about you. A lot. And… well, correct me if I’m wrong, but I think we’re friends. And I want you to know you can talk to me about everything.”

Carmilla tenses, and decides to ignore how fast her heart is beating. She feels like she’s suffocating, like the world around her is collapsing, and she knows there’s no escape. She was right – all this time, all of Laura’s sweet talk and acts of kindness, had been leading up to this.

“Oh my God, are you okay?” Laura sounds worried as she observes her. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything, I just wanted to let you know you can open up to me if you want – actually, you know what? I’m going to shut up and let you breathe. I’ll just be outside for a while and give you space-”

She’s about to stand up when Carmilla tugs the sleeve of her sweater. “No, it’s okay. I just – I know what you want me to talk about. And I just… really don’t want to talk about that.”

Laura’s face is unreadable as she nods and sits back on the same spot. She leans her head on Carmilla’s shoulder, and the two of them just sit in silence, somehow more comfortable than before, and Carmilla decides that maybe this isn’t so bad. She watched as the sun set through the stained glass of their window, and slowly started finishing up her hot chocolate.

**7:30 pm**

It didn’t take either of them to get used to the silence and the warmth of each other. After a while, they were practically snuggling, Laura’s blanket covering them. And, in a moment of boldness, Carmilla was the one to speak first.

“It was my mother.”

Laura’s eyes opened, and she shifted slightly, so she could be able to look Carmilla in the eyes. There was a hint of confusion on her face, but she let Carmilla continue without interruption. Her voice was croaky as she spoke.

“The person you heard me talk to, about three weeks ago. The one that threatened to send me off back home. That was my adoptive mother.” There was a pause before she softly spoke again. “She’s the Dean.”

She expected a gasp, widened eyes, perhaps a dropped jaw – but Laura frowned, and _God it was so cute_. She looked slightly sad, maybe upset, as her look fell down.

“How did I not catch that? No wonder her voice sounded familiar, she spoke to students a few days before that.” Her eyes returned on Carmilla’s face, who simply shrugged.

“It doesn’t matter. I just wanted you to know.”

And they went back to silence.

**7:58**

“Who’s Mattie?”

“My older sister, she’s also adopted. How do you even remember her name?”

“I don’t know, I guess it stuck.”

“I guess.”

**8:07**

“Where is she?”

“In France. She was supposed to visit, but she had something pop up.”

“What’s she like?”

“She’s very intelligent, and driven. Definitely more forward and outgoing than I am. She and I were very close, when we were little. She helped me through some stuff, and I honestly can’t imagine where I would be without her.”

“That’s really sweet.”

**8:23**

“Is Will also adopted?”

“Yeah. We all are.”

“You two really look related, though.”

“Trust me, pale skin and dark hair are where our similarities end.”

**8:41**

“What is your family like?”

“Oh, it’s just my dad and I. He’s really sweet, but also overprotective. It’s like I live with a police officer sometimes.”

“That must be nice.”

(She doesn’t ask about her mother.)

**8:59**

“So, what is your mother even like? She sounded really… unpleasant.”

“She is. She expects a lot from us, and she’s very harsh, to say at least, when we don’t meet her expectations.”

“Ugh, I know what you mean. My dad used to take my phone away in high school, a lot.”

“No, Laura… She – never mind.”

“What do you-”

“Please. I… can’t right now.”

“Okay.”

**9:41**

“She used to beat me.”

“Oh my God, Carmilla-”

“No, please, let me finish while I still have the will to. She used a belt sometimes. It was really painful, but… it was only a few times a month, so I was okay. It was mostly verbal, most of the times. You know, little comments that would make me feel bad about myself.”

She felt her voice get weaker with every word she spoke, but she kept going.

“And she – she never did to Will or Mattie, and I always thought there was something wrong with me, and it got even worse when I came out. I became depressed, and I thought so little of myself…”

She kept going, with tears rolling down her face.

“And then I met a girl, and I fell in love. We were _so_ happy. I felt better than I had felt my whole life. Until _she_ found out, and told her parents. They moved away, and I never heard from her again. Until-”

She kept going, despite feeling like she could suffocate any moment now.

“Until a letter arrived at our house – _a fucking letter_ – inviting us to her funeral. She _killed_ herself, Laura. And I couldn’t help her.”

She kept going, until she fell apart in Laura’s arms.

**10:53**

“It’s okay, Carm. You’re okay.”

“I know, I just… I’ve never talked to anyone about it.”

**11:26**

“I feel morally obligated to tell you more about my life.”

“No, Laura, it’s fine.”

“Nonsense. It’s okay, really, I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable or anything. I mean, you told me about your mom, I guess I should tell you about mine.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I do. I haven’t talked about it to anyone but my dad, and he – bless him – just hugs me tightly whenever I do.”

A few moments passed before Laura spoke again.

“She died. When I was 10, she died of breast cancer. It really emotionally scarred me, because I knew her, but I never got to know her _enough_. I was so sad and hopeless for such a long time, until I started doing art. It was a way for me to escape the world, and create my own. And with time, I created a world so beautiful and different from the real one, that I realized I couldn’t imagine myself doing anything besides art in my life. Which is how I ended up here. And before my mom died, I wanted to be a _mathematician_. So, of course I’m sad she died while I was so young, but it made me realize everything happens for a reason. If she didn’t die, I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t find the meaning of life, and… I wouldn’t have met you.”

“Laura, that’s… beautiful.”

**11:40**

“So, what is the meaning of life?”

“Huh?”

“Earlier, you said that if your mom hadn’t died, you wouldn’t have discovered the meaning of life. So, what is it?”

“To be and to create, because there wasn’t, and there won’t be anyone who will do those things exactly like you.”

**00:00**

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“It’s midnight.”

“No shit, creampuff.”

“ _Rude_.”

**00:03**

“Do you want to sleep?”

“No.”

“Me neither.”

**00:27**

“I’m glad you’re my roommate.”

“Hate to say it, but me too.”

“You know, I really hated you in the beginning.”

“Really? Because, if I remember correctly, _you_ were the one to hit _me_ in the face when we first met.”

“Oh, shut up, that was an accident. You were the one that teased me and annoyed me on purpose.”

“That’s entirely subjective. To someone else, I might have been the perfect roommate.”

“I never said you aren’t the perfect roommate.”

**00:48**

“What do you think about lemons?”

“… _what?_ ”

“Oh, you know. Do you like them?”

“I like lemonade, I guess. Why?”

“I don’t know. You just seemed like someone who would like lemons.”

“You’re weird.”

“So are you, in your own way.”

**01:24**

“How did you get into music?”

“Similarly to how you got into art, actually. I used it as an escape when things got bad with my mom. Mattie taught me to play guitar, actually.”

“Oh, she also plays?”

“Not anymore, really. But she used to.”

“Cool.”

**1:58**

“What’s your favourite movie?”

“I don’t really have one. Although I _do_ love a good horror movie.”

“That fits you _so_ much, you have no idea.”

“Whatever. You?”

“It might seem a little out of character, but it’s actually a tie between _Legally Blonde_ and _Mean Girls_.”

“Huh. Never seen those.”

“ _What_?”

“They’re not exactly on my radar, creampuff.”

“You _have_ to watch them! How have you not watched them?”

“Well, I know they were both made into musicals, and I’m pretty sure I’ve heard a song or two, but I just never bothered to watch them.”

“We have to!”

“We?”

“I have them both downloaded on my laptop.”

“No, it’s fine-”

“Nonsense, I can’t hang out with someone so uneducated.”

“Sweetheart, we’re not having a movie marathon at 2 am.”

“Like you would sleep anyway. Come on, it’ll be fun.”

“Why do I even bother?”

**3:40**

“Well, that was something.”

“Now it’s time for _Mean Girls_.”

“Oh, boy.”

**4:38**

“Are you awake?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, just checking. You haven’t made a sarcastic comment in ten minutes, so I was worried.”

“I was too busy trying to watch the movie.”

“Ooh, so you like it?”

“ _Trying to watch the movie_.”

“Right, sorry.”

**5:20**

“I’m feeling really sleepy.”

“Okay, I’ll just go to my bed.”

“No, stay.”

And so, she decided to stop ignoring the way her heart has been racing, and silently acknowledged the fact she hasn’t felt like this in years. That girl could be the death of her, and if so, Carmilla had never wanted to face her faith more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... that was something. No one probably cares, but I listened to cavetown while writing this, and it really helped me get the creative juices flowing. It's quite different from the rest of the work, but I can't imagine doing this chapter in any other way.  
> Anyway, let me know what your feelings/thoughts are, and come say hi to me on tumblr if you want to: @starsdontcompare
> 
>  
> 
> P.S: fun fact, mean girls and legally blonde are also some of my favourite movies, so that's where that came from :)


	5. arrivals & confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol remember when i said i'd maybe manage to post regularly?
> 
> *this chapter is unedited, just as every other*

With her fingers painfully pressing the strings against the fret, Carmilla strummed her first chord. It was sloppy and quiet, but she grinned widely nonetheless. Looking up at Mattie, whose face was poorly lit by the lamp on the table, she saw her sister returning the smile.

“I did it! Did you hear that?” Carmilla asked.

Mattie’s laughter filled up her ears. (It was warm. It was nothing like the belittling one she would often hear from her mother.)

“Of course I did, munchkin. Well done. Once more?”

Carmilla enthusiastically nodded and fixated her eyes on the guitar again. She pushed the strings against the wood until her fingertips hurt again. Just as she was positioning her right arm, she heard a door slam open behind her and flinched.

“What are you two doing?”

Carmilla didn’t need to turn around to know her mother was furious - she got that from the tone. Still, she turned her head around. Standing in the doorway, arms crossed, her mother gave her a stern look.

“So?” She continued before either of them could answer. “I do not have all night.”

Mattie put a hand on Carmilla’s shoulder. “I was teaching Carm her first chord.”

Carmilla heard her mother sigh, but her lips barely moved. “ _Carmilla_ is supposed to be in bed. Not only is it past eleven, it’s a school night. ”

“Okay, but-”

“No ‘buts’, Matska. Leave us and close the door. I’ll have a little chat with Carmilla.”

Mattie stayed where she was. “It’s really not her fault-”

“I said,” her mother took a step forward, “ _leave_.”

Carmilla suppressed her tears. She knew exactly what was coming, and it made her afraid. She glanced at Mattie, who was now looking at her sister with concern in her eyes. Carmilla slightly nodded, as if to say ‘it’s okay’, and watched Mattie walk slowly to the door. She shot one last look at her, and then she closed the door behind her.

Carmilla looked at her mother. “I’m sorry.”

“When will you learn?” Her mother shook her head, taking a step forward. “When will you learn that you have to follow rules or you’ll get punished?”

Carmilla flinched when her mother took away the guitar and tossed it in one swift motion.

“You’re lucky I even kept you.” She heard a cold voice as she received the first slap. “You’re lucky anyone even wants you.”

Another hit. And another. And so it went on, until Carmilla woke up covered in cold sweat. Her breath was heavy and her hands were shaking. It took her a few moments to realize where she was. Her eyes landed on Laura, peacefully sleeping on the bed across the room.

It was a dream. Of course it was. She had a lot of those lately, ever since her little late night bonding session she had with Laura last week. Not that she let the latter know.

She rolled to the other side and picked up her phone. _3:07_. She sighed, letting her phone drop onto the bed, and closed her eyes. Maybe this time she’ll be able to fall asleep again.

×

Laura wasn’t sure what woke her up. The smell of food, or how loud Carmilla cursed when she hit her toe. Either way, waking up to see her roommate jumping around on one foot while holding the other was quite an experience. She laughed lightly, rubbing her eyes.

“Good morning, Carm.” She managed.

Carmilla responded with a scoff. “To whom?”

Laura grinned. “To youm.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes in response, but Laura could swear she saw her smile as she turned back to the electric stove. She sat up, trying to get a closer look at what her roommate was making. Was that… chicken? Laura’s frowned. She expected something more appropriate for, well, breakfast.

“What are you making?” She asked.

Carmilla looked as if she was trying to remember. “Uh… spicy garlic lime chicken, I think? I’m not sure if that’s the whole name.”

Laura’s eyebrows shot up. “What’s the occasion? You usually just pick something up from Taco Bell.”

“Mattie is coming in twenty minutes, and I haven’t seen in her in so long that I feel like I should at least bother to make lunch.”

20 minutes? Laura looked over at the clock on her night table. Surely enough, it was 12:30 pm. Panic flooded her thoughts. She was supposed to meet up with Perry in the library in half an hour, and considering the black ice that was beginning to form, it would take her longer than usual to get there. She rushed out of the bed into the bathroom, picking up her clothes from yesterday along the way. (She ignored the raised eyebrow and slight smirk from Carmilla. _God_ , she looked when she did that. Not that Laura cared.)

After finishing her rather sped up morning routine, it took her just a little over three minutes to pack her backpack. As she reached for her boots, she heard Carmilla clear her throat.

“You’re, uh… you’re not staying for lunch?”

Laura looked up Carmilla was still only eyeing the pan, but Laura could tell from the tone she used that she was suppressing something. It was almost like she tried too hard to sound neutral.

She shook her head. “Uh, yeah. I’m mean - no. I’m not staying. I already have a study session planned with Perry - you know her, best friends with LaF.”

Laura saw her roommate raise her eyebrows. “Best friends? I’m almost a hundred percent sure they’re dating.”

“What?” Laura frowned. “Nah, they would tell me if they were. Plus, I hang out with them all the time, they don’t act like a couple.”

Carmilla shrugged. “Whatever you say. Have fun, I guess.”

“Yeah, you too.” Laura smiled.

She picked up her backpack, throwing it over one shoulder. She fixed her beanie one more time and, just before she reached the door, made an impulse decision to take a step back. She pulled Carmilla in for a hug, and received a little squeal in return. After a few seconds, Carmilla hugged her back, still a little tense.

“I hope it all works out.” Laura kisses her cheek and, before Carmilla could respond, walks out of the room, closing the door behind her.

×

Mattie arrived less than ten minutes later. She hugged Carmilla tight and they just enjoyed each other’s presence for a bit, and in no time, they’re seated across one another on the tiny table in the center of Carmilla and Laura’s room. They catched up a little and joked a lot, until Mattie said the words Carmilla was dreading to hear.

“I talked to Maman.” She took a sip of wine she brought, and waited for Carmilla to react.

Carmilla sighed. “Alright, let’s get it over with. What did she tell you?”

“Just that you’re slacking.”

“Just that?” Carmilla raised an eyebrow.

Mattie seemed to hesitate. She observed her sister for a second or so before shaking her head. “She also mentioned that she thinks she might know the reason for your behaviour.”

Carmilla frowned. She was expecting to hear something about taking away her scholarship. She had no idea her mother actually cared enough to look into anything Carmilla was doing.

“Really? I’m curious. What does that cow think she knows?” She asked.

Mattie rolled her eyes. “Be mature.” She pursed her lips. “Well, don’t get too mad now. But, she thinks you’re doing this to embarrass her and get revenge for Elle.”

She laughed humorlessly, looking at her sister in disbelief.

“Is she serious? Does she really put embarrassing someone and driving some into fucking _killing_ themselves at the same level? If I wanted to ‘get revenge’, I would do something far worse.” She shook her head.

Mattie placed her hand on top of Carmilla’s. “I know.”

“Why does she even think this is about her? It’s like she thinks everything everyone does is somehow because of her.”

“Carmilla.”

“I’ve waited for _years_ to finally go to college just so I could escape her even just a little. Why would I sabotage myself just to annoy her?”

“ _Carmilla._ ”

“What?!”

Mattie looks at her aymphatetycally. “Why _are_ you missing so many classes?”

Carmilla stops. She refuses to make eye contact, instead closing hers instead. She takes a deep breath, and another, and another, and then finally looks at her sister.

“I just… I feel so tired all the time. I don’t enjoy everything the way I used to before. I have absolutely _no_ motivation to keep on going.”

“Do you want to drop out?” Mattie says, and she waits for a response.

Carmilla sighs. “No. I mean, I’m not just talking about college. I’m talking about life, in general. I just feel so burned out lately.”

“When did this start?” Mattie asks.

“I don’t know… about a few months ago? Around the time Will went on that trip with his friends. I was alone with her, again, and I felt so down. I thought it would get better when Will comes back, but it just didn’t.”

They sat in silence for who knows exactly how long, and sometime then, Carmilla closed her eyes. She stopped choking back tears when she felt Mattie hug her.

“You shouldn’t bottle this stuff up. If it’s overwhelming, we can talk about it some other time, okay? We still have three more days left.”

When Carmilla nodded, sniffling into Mattie’s shoulder, she felt like they were kids again, comforting each other after a particularly bad day with their mother.

“How about you tell me about your roommate to get your mind off of all this? She seems…” Mattie eyed the mix of _Harry Potter_ merchandise and various art supplies scattered across Laura’s desk, “interesting.”

Carmilla smiled. “Interesting doesn’t even begin to describe her, Mattie.”

×

Somehow, Perry failed to mention that they wouldn’t be alone. Laura had to find that out by overhearing a quite loud conversation just as she entered the library. It didn’t take her long to realize the voices were coming from the table where Perry was sat, and that they belong to Danny and Kirsch, respectively. _How lovely_. The two loudest people Laura knew, and she didn’t even know them well.

They were quieted down by the angry librarian a few feet away from them (granted, it did take her three warnings for it to work) soon enough, but that didn’t stop them from bickering. And, although they both looked like they enjoyed it and Laura was happy for them, it really distracted her from actually doing work.

All in all, she didn’t last more than an hour and a half. _And_ , she only lasted _that_ long because she wanted to give Carmilla and her sister a little space. Otherwise, she probably would have left after twenty minutes.

The second she turned the doorknob, she heard laughter. It was accompanied with the sight of Carmilla and a dark skinned woman she hadn’t seen before sitting on the bed. It took them a few moments to notice Laura, and when they did, she saw Carmilla give out the most genuine smile she had seen since they first met.

“Laura! This is Mattie, my sister.” She nodded to the woman beside her.

Laura smiled. “Hi. Nice to meet you.”

“Carmilla has told me a lot about you.”

(Was it bad that her heart skipped a beat at that sentence?)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! Please leave a comment or some kudos if you enjoy the story so far, but don't feel obligated to. Thanks! :)


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